By dogcatcher on February 25th, 2012


The Game Plan to Take Over Your Parish

This article will give you, the reader, an idea of what to anticipate when the Hierarchs of the Metropolis of Chicago assign a new Ephraimite Priest to your parish. The editorial board of this website has, through lengthy observations and analysis have articulated the “Game Plan” which has been skillfully developed to convert your beloved parish community into an Ephraimite Parish. The ten step process has been identified as follows:

1. First Impressions
After being named Proistamenos of his new community, the Ephraimite priest will go out of his way to make an excellent first impression. He will act with the utmost courtesy seemingly exuding a saintly persona characterized by thoughtfulness and care. The Proistamenos will feign a spiritual content and enlightenment. The first impression is vital as it is aimed at the goal of convincing his new parishioners that he is the perfect successor of the previous parish priest.

2. Introduction of Ephraimite Theology
Perhaps the most obvious indicator of this theology is an inordinate focus on Satan and evil in general. While subtle initially, this rhetoric grows in quantity and becomes overbearing. The Proistamenos will try to impress upon the parishioners the concept that they have no control to defend themselves against these external forces. This will cause the most impressionable of parishioners to latch on to the Proistamenos and follow his teachings more closely, in a way that is analogous to an addict. This results in the transcendence of the Proistamenos from a mere priest to a spiritual guru in the eyes of his followers.

3. Reprogramming
The Proistamenos will begin to suggest the parishioners were raised in a spiritually insufficient manner. Again, this suggestion will be subtle so as not to cause reproach from his new flock. However, this claim will become more pronounced as time passes and his support grows. The incorporation of Ephraimite teachings in combination with the rejection of any existing customs or ideas attempts to reprogram parishioners. The rejection of existing customs or ideas is usually substantiated by declaring that they are opposed to true Orthodox theology.

4. A Parish Divided
The aforementioned reprogramming leaves any apprehensive parishioners with a sense of alienation. As questions begin to mount for the apprehensive parishioners they are left in a confused state and cannot decide whether the Proistamenos is just conservative or fanatical. If they approach the Proistamenos to address these concerns they are left even more bewildered and begin to suspect the priest is truly fanatical. This causes a fundamental divide between the now ardent followers and parishioners who begin to harbor a level of doubt.

5. The Schism
At this point the Ephraimite Proistamenos will isolate those who seem to have even the slightest suspicion towards his teachings. He will employ tactics that attempt to denigrate the integrity of these parishioners. He will use the mediums he controls (i.e. Sermons, personal conversations, Parish Council Meetings, parish bulletins) to make insinuations that these parishioners are dangerous to the well-being of the parish as a whole. He will use divisive language (i.e. nominal Christian, Sunday Orthodox, and devil inspired) to create a polarized atmosphere where the only two options are to join him or reject the parish. This creates a sense of guilt for those alienated and a sense of self-righteousness for those who conform.

6. The Evil World
This step is characterized by condemnation of society and those who choose to be a functioning member of it. Any secular involvement is considered to be collaboration with the Evil One. The monasteries of Elder Ephraim are relentlessly promoted as the only escape from the evils of the modern world. The Proistamenos will attempt to make parishioners believe their Salvation is reliant upon visiting or even contributing financially to these monasteries. Orthodox priests who oppose the use of Orthodox monasteries as a spiritual crutch are also labeled as being influenced by Satan or “non-spiritual. Followers become detached from society as a result of their obsession with their own Salvation and eternal well-being. In turn, good deeds are done only in self interest instead of the glorification of our Lord.

7. Domination of the Parish Council
The Proistamenos will use his influence over his followers to subjugate and marginalize the roles of non-Ephraimite Parish Council members. The Proistamenos will have his supporters chair every committee and hold all offices. If matters of concern are brought to the Proistamenos, he will not address them, but will use legalistic and semantic arguments to avoid the issue. To curtail any dissent, the Proistamenos will ignore parish bylaws and regulations to fill the Parish Council with supporters. These supporters, acting as no more than “yes men,” will effectively drown out any opinions expressed by non-Ephraimite Parish Council Members. Once non-Ephraimite Parish Council members come to the conclusion their opinions will no longer be considered, they resign. This leaves the Parish Council as no more than a false parliament. Finally, the parish is left as a despotic dictatorship.

8. Micromanagement
Now that the Proistamenos has exerted control over all ministries and committees, they become an extension of his will. Even the most mundane tasks must be granted permission before being executed. His aforementioned establishment as a spiritual guru allows him the ability to micromanage in this fashion without inquiry.

9. Indoctrination
Now that the Proistamenos has attained status as spiritual guru, removed all dissenters, and established himself as parish dictator, he begins the process of indoctrination. This includes removing any non-Monastic literature, while suggesting and selling Ephraimite literature. Only books personally approved by the Proistamenos will be sold. These books are exclusively fanatic in nature and further create the sense that laity are fully reliant on certain Ephraimite clergy for Salvation.

10. Complete Control
Given all of the previous steps, the parish has now been fully transformed into an Ephraimite parish. The parishioners who remain will be fully indoctrinated in the teachings of the Elder Ephraim. The Proistamenos now has complete control over all of the functions of the parish, whether they are spiritual or operational. To anyone who had been away for the relatively short period of time that this process occurred, they would return to a place that is completely unfamiliar.

Now that an Ephraimite priest controls the parish, who is left:

1. The Old
While many of the older parishioners do understand the changes that have occurred, the majority clearly do not. They have grown accustomed to the “bricks & mortar” and cannot find the will to leave or are often unable to leave. They have spent a lifetime in the parish. They chose to stay even though they are conflicted.

2. The Ignorant
The members of this group are those that either never understand the faith or lack the will to read anything that will shed light on the Ephraimite cult. They continue to attend their parish unaware of any change.

3. The “I Just Don’t See It” Parishioners
These people include those that are highly intelligent. This group either really likes the new Ephraimite Priest or his family or have married the idea that “there is nothing wrong with the Priest”. Remember that the priest has already taken action to remove those parishioners he anticipates will fight the movement. Their personal feelings for the priest or his family do not allow them to remain objective. These parishioners are like the character “Sergeant Schultz” on the Hogan’s Heroes television show. They will not agree with anyone else’s observations about the Ephraimite priest. They put themselves in a state of mind which allows nothing to penetrate their misguided image of the priest. No matter what you tell them, they will never change their position.

4. The Egocentric
This is an interesting group. These were the people at the parish who were never universally respected. They had some limited responsibility or position before the arrival of the Ephraimite priest. They may have been Parish Council members or even held offices of different organizations. Some of these people even had some support among the Parishioners. However, they begin defending the actions of the priest at any cost. They become his most ardent defenders and will damage any relationship in order to keep him in power and thereby preserve and increase their own power. The Ephraimite priest also understands the psyche of the Egocentric Supporter. This group is like putty in his hands. Soon he convinces this group to take over leadership roles within the parish. These people work for the parish as the priest’s minions. They work like slaves never publicly or privately questioning the priest. Instead, they carry out his plans with the zeal of henchmen. These people should be approached with caution for they are on a blind mission. Their massive egos never allow them to self reflect or question their new “spiritual father”.

5. The “I only go there and light my candle” Parishioners
This mindset is true in those parishioners who go to church but do not actively participate in the administrative duties of a church. It is very sad if you have this approach to church. It is sad because our ancestors made many sacrifices when they immigrated to this country to open churches so that they could continue practicing their faith. Now these parishioners find it inconvenient to their life or lifestyle to vest emotionally in their parish. They chose not to care what is going on because they believe they do not have the time or energy to help. However, if you donate money to any parish that harbors, promotes or protects an Ephraimite priest, you are aiding in the destruction of the institution of our faith as it has existed in North America since the latter part of the 1800’s. These parishioners need to take a stand against the destructive control which has taken over so many churches by Ephraimite Priests.


It has been reported to us that the Ephraimites and their followers have stewards, members or observers at every single parish in the Metropolis of Chicago. They have developed an information network that has damaged the peace of our Church. We too have a plan. We now have observers in every parish. We will document the actions of those who support this destructive movement in our Church. When the time is right, those that have aided and abetted this destructive movement will be identified. Are you affected or victimized by their game plan. Where do you fit in? Remember that every dollar you put in the tray, the check you write for the smoker ticket or the ad you buy for the parish fundraisers may help keep an Ephraimite Priest in place. The point is you have a responsibility to determine what is going on at your church and what your role is in the game plan to take over your parish.